THE TWO FAT LADIES' COOKING SHOW. AFTERNOON *TEA*?!?

Should make a "reaction video" of me VS one of these Two Fat Ladies cooking show episodes, my country ass trying to understand these two hens! I'd be cracking up from the beginning just watching these two obviously drunk bitches driving their bike on the wrong side of the road!

Cooking with anchovies?!  I recently tried anchovy on pizza and have no opinion on it because I don't want to remember it.  I'll stick with mushrooms and banana pepper rings.

DEAD VICTORIAN-ERA BITCHES BE LIKE.......

"will you hurry it the fuck up and just BURY me, you retro-active MFer's!  Your sentimental asses should have taken pictures of me while I was ALIVE!  What's next, is Daddy gonna take my carcass on that merry-go-round ride he promised and never got around to?!?"

Back then, "families" would take pictures of their dead family member(s) I ASSUME before burial (unless they kept the bodies around) so they'd have a photo to remember them by.  AS IF!  You can tell who's dead and who's alive in these Victorian-era pictures: the people who turn out "blurry" in the photo are living, and the ones who turn out crystal clear are dead because they're perfectly still.  Or STIFF, I should say.

Maybe people like Leatherface aren't so weird after all.  Compared to THESE clowns.

GIIIIIRL YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE SH*T! GO GETCHOSELF A **WEAVE** LOAN!!

I shit you not - this business has been around for months but the concept is too ridiculous not to mention.  So more or less, it comes across as one of these shady "title loans" and "payday loans" businesses.  And right now, weave, especially the real Brazilian and Asian hair "bundles", is more valuable than gold.  Weave businesses get robbed and some of the owners have been shot and killed - most recently, a couple.  Basically putting desperate vain "ladies" further in debt.

Now what if these bitches run behind on payments and can't afford to wear that other-woman's-hair mop on her top?  Do they have some kinda "repo man" with a machete track them down and scalp them in public, or at their own front door?  I wants to know!

No, this isn't a joke or satire, it's the real deal.  And the ad has so many weave puns, it'll make you wanna scalp one of these "hair-hatted hooligans", as Tommy Sotomayor calls them.  

1-844-WEAVELOANS
(WEBSITE)

JAN TERRI'S "JOURNEY TO MARS" SINGLE/MUSIC VIDEO: WAS SHE A VISIONARY BACK IN 1994?

With all this talk about exploration on Mars and very likely finding life forms of some sort in 2016, maybe singer/songwriter and good friend of Marilyn Manson, Miss Jan Terri, knew something we all DIDN'T back when she released her single and subsequent music video "Journey To Mars" in 1994.

JAN TERRI:  FACEBOOK - OFFICIAL PAGE

"I AIN'T *NEVER* BEEN SCARED IN MY *LIFE*!!"

Welcome to WHATABURGER, Texas!

Open 24 hours a day.  
Not including holidays.

ELEPHANT SAYS "JUST SAY 'NO' TO SELFIES!"

I fucking love the reaction of an Asian woman when something shocks or upsets her - like that Japanese woman a couple years ago missing her flight, going all hysterical at the airport and falling on the ground, shrieking and kicking like a spoiled 5-year old.  

The same kinda reaction from an Asian lady repeats itself when not one but TWO of them wanted to take some pictures (another Asian stereotype) up close and personal with this elephant.  Before they can even think of snapping a selfie, the Elephant said "I'm not having it!", and with its trunk, snatched the cell phone from one of them and commenced to chowing down like it was handed the biggest peanut ever.  

Naturally these two Asian ladies goes from sounding all engrossed with the elephant like two lesbians whale-watching, to damn near hysterics.  Bitches calm down, it's NOT the rape of Nanking or something like that!  You'll get it back later.

And they did.

I'M BOTH FASCINATED *AND* AMUSED!

If *I* were a swine and heard an obese white woman screaming at the top of her lungs: 
"HEEEEEERE PIGPIGPIGPIGPIGPIG!!  HEEEEEEEREPIGPIGPIGPIG!!!", I'd take off running like hell, even if I have to bust through the fence to escape!  Because she got at least two cleavers hidden in all that arm fat.  

Reminds me of the most fun time ever on an arcade machine......

EVERY 911 OPERATOR'S WORST NIGHTMARE

Self-admitted "crazy as hell" man calls up 911 for medical assistance, ruder than a muthafucka.  

Hearing this might make a potential 911 operator reconsider: