THE TWO FAT LADIES' COOKING SHOW. AFTERNOON *TEA*?!?

Should make a "reaction video" of me VS one of these Two Fat Ladies cooking show episodes, my country ass trying to understand these two hens! I'd be cracking up from the beginning just watching these two obviously drunk bitches driving their bike on the wrong side of the road!

Cooking with anchovies?!  I recently tried anchovy on pizza and have no opinion on it because I don't want to remember it.  I'll stick with mushrooms and banana pepper rings.

DEAD VICTORIAN-ERA BITCHES BE LIKE.......

"will you hurry it the fuck up and just BURY me, you retro-active MFer's!  Your sentimental asses should have taken pictures of me while I was ALIVE!  What's next, is Daddy gonna take my carcass on that merry-go-round ride he promised and never got around to?!?"

Back then, "families" would take pictures of their dead family member(s) I ASSUME before burial (unless they kept the bodies around) so they'd have a photo to remember them by.  AS IF!  You can tell who's dead and who's alive in these Victorian-era pictures: the people who turn out "blurry" in the photo are living, and the ones who turn out crystal clear are dead because they're perfectly still.  Or STIFF, I should say.

Maybe people like Leatherface aren't so weird after all.  Compared to THESE clowns.

GIIIIIRL YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE SH*T! GO GETCHOSELF A **WEAVE** LOAN!!

I shit you not - this business has been around for months but the concept is too ridiculous not to mention.  So more or less, it comes across as one of these shady "title loans" and "payday loans" businesses.  And right now, weave, especially the real Brazilian and Asian hair "bundles", is more valuable than gold.  Weave businesses get robbed and some of the owners have been shot and killed - most recently, a couple.  Basically putting desperate vain "ladies" further in debt.

Now what if these bitches run behind on payments and can't afford to wear that other-woman's-hair mop on her top?  Do they have some kinda "repo man" with a machete track them down and scalp them in public, or at their own front door?  I wants to know!

No, this isn't a joke or satire, it's the real deal.  And the ad has so many weave puns, it'll make you wanna scalp one of these "hair-hatted hooligans", as Tommy Sotomayor calls them.  

1-844-WEAVELOANS
(WEBSITE)

JAN TERRI'S "JOURNEY TO MARS" SINGLE/MUSIC VIDEO: WAS SHE A VISIONARY BACK IN 1994?

With all this talk about exploration on Mars and very likely finding life forms of some sort in 2016, maybe singer/songwriter and good friend of Marilyn Manson, Miss Jan Terri, knew something we all DIDN'T back when she released her single and subsequent music video "Journey To Mars" in 1994.

JAN TERRI:  FACEBOOK - OFFICIAL PAGE

"I AIN'T *NEVER* BEEN SCARED IN MY *LIFE*!!"

Welcome to WHATABURGER, Texas!

Open 24 hours a day.  
Not including holidays.

ELEPHANT SAYS "JUST SAY 'NO' TO SELFIES!"

I fucking love the reaction of an Asian woman when something shocks or upsets her - like that Japanese woman a couple years ago missing her flight, going all hysterical at the airport and falling on the ground, shrieking and kicking like a spoiled 5-year old.  

The same kinda reaction from an Asian lady repeats itself when not one but TWO of them wanted to take some pictures (another Asian stereotype) up close and personal with this elephant.  Before they can even think of snapping a selfie, the Elephant said "I'm not having it!", and with its trunk, snatched the cell phone from one of them and commenced to chowing down like it was handed the biggest peanut ever.  

Naturally these two Asian ladies goes from sounding all engrossed with the elephant like two lesbians whale-watching, to damn near hysterics.  Bitches calm down, it's NOT the rape of Nanking or something like that!  You'll get it back later.

And they did.

I'M BOTH FASCINATED *AND* AMUSED!

If *I* were a swine and heard an obese white woman screaming at the top of her lungs: 
"HEEEEEERE PIGPIGPIGPIGPIGPIG!!  HEEEEEEEREPIGPIGPIGPIG!!!", I'd take off running like hell, even if I have to bust through the fence to escape!  Because she got at least two cleavers hidden in all that arm fat.  

Reminds me of the most fun time ever on an arcade machine......

EVERY 911 OPERATOR'S WORST NIGHTMARE

Self-admitted "crazy as hell" man calls up 911 for medical assistance, ruder than a muthafucka.  

Hearing this might make a potential 911 operator reconsider:

MY INSTAGRAM PAGE

I'm slow to evolve with the future and even though I signed up for Instagram long ago, I never started putting it to use until just this past week.  A few recently-added pics and more to come, now that I have it figured out.  

SCOTT'S INSTAGRAM PAGE(SCOTTSRECORDBIN)

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"So THIS is what became of that 90's drink called Orbitz!"

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ALL THESE BLACK FRIDAY 2015 FIGHTS AND NOT ONE TASER BRANDISHED!

Another reason I avoid Black Friday - what's the fun in all these people acting a damn fool over material things on sale and nobody getting zapped this year.  Ya'll are letting me down!

I've seen much better.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING.......

and Happy Belated Halloween! 

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HITLER PLAYS "FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S 3"

I've never played the Five Nights At Freddy's "jump scare" games - but bless the actors from Downfall for giving Hitler and his minions the opportunity to try and navigate the haunted pizza joint.

THAT'S NOT HAIR MOUSSE!

If they run out of ideas for weird new creatures in Star Wars Episode 8, how about this one?

"I KNOW A PLACE WHERE THE GRASS IS REALLY GREENER"

HALLOWEEN WHOPPER @ BURGER KING

Hadn't eaten yet today so I gone to get a piece of burger at Burger King, because I'd heard of the limited edition "Halloween Whopper".  As you can see, the same ingredients except for the buns which I assume were colored with squid ink or something like that.  And the wrapper in the design of a mummy - but not like the Master Luminara mummy as seen on Star Wars Rebels.  There's absolutely no difference in taste other than me asking for extra pickles as always.  

This has been done before in Japan I think, to promote Star Wars Episode III and represent Darth Vader's color.  Maybe they'll be replaced with red and green buns this Xmas?

"GOD DAAAAAANG THAT BITCH CAN RUN!"

Another night at the trailer park: bloody-faced and threatening assault with a big black dildo LOL

WHAT DOES "E-Y-E-S" SPELL?

I apologize for my absence for quite a while and hope to be posting on the regular once again very soon.  Until then, I had to share something my friend Fredrick shared with me - people having a tough time figuring out what "E-Y-E-S" spells, among other things.  Their teachers failed them big time.

"THE 'E' IS SILENT - YES!!"

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"STOP this MFing planet, I want the fuck off N-O-W!"

"I AIN'T MR. RIGHT"

"Had some bad love - some fastlove is all that I've got on my mind"

90's TV FLASHBACK: JERRY SPRINGER GUEST KEEPS LOSING HER TEETH ONSTAGE

I literally spit out my coffee - the hillbilly woman won't STFU and her teeth keeps flying out her mouth LOL

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARY OYAYA AKA MASTER LUMINARA!!

Happy Birthday to Mary Oyaya AKA Luminara - everyone's favorite Mirialian Jedi Master WOOO!!!

#TeamMirial