Monday, December 9, 2013

OH.....NO.......**STARTS ITCHING TO BE A BIG-TIME SMARTASS**

BATTER UP!


GUY # 1:  Why is an obvious food stamp gamer recluse worried that the online gaming community found out he was "fat" (HIS words - I would have chosen WORSE, like "obese")?  I don't play anything beyond PS2, so I'm guessing gaming is now incorporated with a chat feature, and the headphones/speakers are used for that.  Can't people also view like a webcam of other gamers?  If so, you could film him from his tig ol' bitties-up, like how they'd do Carnie Wilson in the old Wilson-Phillips' music videos, and they'd STILL see those ham hocks hanging at the sides of his face.  

And with his voice being a cross between Doofus from Ducktales and that nerdy A/V guy who's always following Meg Griffin (what the fuck FOR?!?) around like a puppy.  

If I were blindfolded (of course in a SEPARATE room) and heard the guy speak just a couple lines, and the type and personality of the person I'd just listened to, I'd probably guess is "fat ol' basement dweller, probably STILL sneaks away with his dad's 1970's issues of Hustler Magazine, lives off nasty shit like Hot Pockets and MacDonald's AT LEAST twice daily.  Secretly listens to Bieber, owns all of his albums and I'll bet you could use a UV light and discover in the least, saliva, all over the CD jackets.  Watches Star Trek and has a weekly viewing ritual of the movie "The Sandlot".  Potential to get zapped if he stands too close to me: 9.5 out of 10."  

And besides, the WHOLE WORLD will see your "fat" when the walls of your apartment have to be torn down and a forklift rented to get your big ass to the hospital over a massive heart attack - after watching a cheap thrills Sailor Moon marathon.  

Next - BLACK COUPLE:  Good acting!  I like how Wayne Brady can switch from his cute Flip Wilson kinda performer self to a total dope-carrying thug, like on Dave Chappelle Show.  

And that's it.  

I just wanted to cuss out the slob-tastic MF!